5 Things We Learn from the Shulamite Woman about Female Sexuality

  

 When Owen and I were engaged, I bought Sheila Wray Gregoire’s book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex and even ended up taking it on our honeymoon! Over the years I have gone to Sheila’s blog countless times to soak up her wisdom and insight on topics pertaining to marriage in general and sex specifically. Because of that, I am incredibly honored and excited to have been given the opportunity to guest post on her site! I hope that something you read in this post will encourage you in your marriage or inspire you for when the day comes and you do get married. Female sexuality as designed by God is a great thing! Never forget that.

We have a problem in Christendom today, and that problem is that we do not have a good grasp on God’s actual design for female sexuality.

Just think about the things you regularly hear these days, particularly in our more conservative Christian circles:

Men are visual.

Sex is for the man.

Just meet your husband’s needs.

The result of this kind of thinking is that we come away with the false beliefs that women aren’t visual at all, that sex is not for the woman in any way, and that there really is no such thing as true intimacy – after all, sex is just a deed you perform to meet your husband’s physical needs.

We have so misconstrued God’s beautiful design for sex that I think it’s high time we go back to the beginning. Journey with me through the Song of Solomon for a minute today so that we might, together, come to a more full-orbed understanding of female sexuality as designed by God. The result of this study can be greater intimacy, stronger marriages, and a healthier view of sex as we begin to understand it through the lens of God’s infallible Word.

The Shulamite woman is Solomon’s lover in the book of the Bible known as the Song of Solomon. As we look at the pages of this book and get to know this love of Solomon’s life, 5 interesting points emerge:

1. Women can desire sex.

Men are not the only ones with sex drives or sexual desires. Women were designed by God with those characteristics, as well. As I pointed out in a recent webinar, sex is not just for your man; it’s for you, too. God designed men and women both to benefit from, enjoy, desire, and pursue sex with their spouse. In fact, Song of Solomon does not open with Solomon being attracted to and pursuing the Shulamite woman. The book actually begins with the Shulamite woman proclaiming her attraction to and physical desire for Solomon:

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—

For your love is better than wine.

Because of the fragrance of your good ointments,

Your name is ointment poured forth;

Therefore the virgins love you.

Draw me away! (Song of Solomon 1:2-4)

Interesting start to the book, isn’t it? It does not fit into today’s narrative that women don’t or shouldn’t desire sex all that much. Song of Solomon 3:1-5 is another portion of the book that clearly illustrates this woman’s sexual desire for Solomon as she diligently searches for him, finds him, and draws him into the bedroom to spend the night with her.

In the New Testament, we see this narrative continue as Paul confirms in 1 Corinthians 7 what the Shulamite is illustrating for us in the Song of Solomon. First Corinthians 7:3-5 says,

Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Clearly, there is equality here. Both men and women desire sex and feel deprived in marriage when they don’t experience it. Neither men nor women are to view sex as being merely for them or merely for their spouses. Sex is for both the husband and the wife because both were made by God to be sexual beings. To be sure – a strong desire for sex does not make you any less of a woman, despite what the culture may tell you! That desire in marriage is a good thing and is exactly how God desired both men and women to operate.

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